Outspoken takes on interracial romance from a teenager reading Americanah and too much slam poetry.
While I have been brought to love
Up to the skies and back down again
And to believe in hidden roots of compassion
Even in the darkest of minds
I can’t help but think
That maybe it is your disease,
Your predisposition to see the world this way
As your playground
I never liked blue eyes
Or tight-lipped smiles anyway
Your people’s hair hangs like spaghetti
And I laugh at your synthetic structures
I don’t want your phonetics and numbers
Or to learn your past
Coincidentally founded on the destruction of my future
Because bronze and gold get cold in the North
We lose our will to shine
Your saviour complex
Is an insult
To my intelligence
And my very humanity
Yet I persist,
My me-shape
Forcing our way
Into your you-shaped Perfection
Because like Her,
I have been bound to these people
Who are not my own
And don’t want to be
Deeply, brutally, hopelessly in love
Wherever he goes, I go,
And I pitch my tent outside his house
Wherever he decides to stay
And you watch as I spill my blood
Onto the tarmac
My only prayer
That it will seep to the red soil underneath
This is violent
And I despair
Though I tolerated in peace
Bound by a book that cleans my history
Because I’ve turned the other cheek
And now you’ve slapped me twice
So, forgive me, master
If I happen to raise a fist.
STANZAS 1 + 2
This is the narrative voice of a girl of colour. It expresses the death of her naivety — as much as she wants to believe that everyone is capable of non discriminatory love and goodness, she’s beginning to admit that maybe there is truth to Albert Einstein’s calling racism ‘the white man’s disease’. Internalising the concept of racial psychological disposition, the way that some believe black people are genetically predisposed to violence and hyper-sexuality, the character is considering the possibility that white people have a biological inclination to colonise and assert themselves as superior in the world. This applies to more than just race — it also alludes to the environmental destruction and the man-made endangerment of the animal kingdom. I draw on the tweet that complains about ‘framing adult white maleness as a perpetual internship in ethics and decency.’ expressing the general lack of accountability some people feel that white men are beneficiaries of.
I’m very aware of the whininess and ultra-liberalness of playing into the common practice of scapegoating white men because ‘they have it so easy’, but here we are, discussing this poem. Call it ‘reverse racism’, if you will.
STANZA 3
The character is frustrated at her attraction to white men, and starts to tell herself lies to try to convince herself that there is nothing special or beautiful about white features anyway. This also draws on the radical self-love ideology, in which women of colour analyse, criticise and reject Western/ white standards of beauty and attractiveness. If this stanza were to be further developed, the character might go on to praise a ‘negro nose’ and ‘nappy hair’ or refer to a black man as ‘king’ or ‘prince’.
Laughing at synthetic structures is a sneering criticism of white/Western societal institutions that differ greatly from other cultures’ and could be seen as flawed. Examples of such systems that are sneered at by non-Western cultures include: Western focus on individualism and self-esteem, familial relations, displays of respect and gratitude, adaptation of religious traditions, attitudes to money and wealth, hierarchy, patriarchy and attitudes to mental health.
STANZA 4
This stanza is pretty much the logos of the character’s new vendetta against white men. Colonialism. She wants nothing to do with them, not to learn Western history and the framing of conquistadors as heroes and explorers, nor does she want to put up with the set standard of anything resembling whiteness as superior, a sentiment that resurfaces most obviously again in Stanza 6.
The reference to bronze and gold was inspired by the current discussions about the repatriation of art stolen from Africa under European colonisation. The African art is beautiful no matter where it is, but isn’t appreciated fully anywhere but home. The art is personified as well, it seems to be making less of an effort to dazzle and shine in a place where it knows that it is not going to be cherished or understood.
The art is also a metaphor for post-colonial immigrants in Europe, in places like the UK and France and Spain. With the places and situations being a product of their past and circumstances, one could say the immigrants simply don’t do as well for the same reason that the bronze and gold doesn’t shine as brightly. The cold, in both European weather and people’s attitudes, diminishes and belittles any hope that was left in the art and immigrants.
STANZA 5
This is very self-explanatory. Following on from the last stanza, this is how the character feels in terms of the history of coloured people and colonialism and also herself in relationships with white men. ‘Helpless’ is a way one might put it. The idea of the white man doing the dark woman a favour both in the history of her country and with her societal standing due to their relationship with him offends her deeply, even more so when she acknowledges the element of truth to it.
STANZA 6
This stanza has to do with the standards that she must meet as a result of her relationship with white men, but also of the whitewashing others have to go through in the world that she feels is the white man’s playground. She and many others recognise this pressure as very real and also unfair, but do admit the fact that they play by the rules, mostly to avoid the effort and difficulty of redefining them. Even though they don’t quite fit and have to change their shape, either by removing or adding certain features, they still somehow force themselves through, damaged for it afterwards.
STANZA 7
‘Her’ is anyone that has the same issue. She is bound unwillingly, she didn’t choose who to love and resents the fact that she was so unlucky to have fallen for a race that proved to be so problematic. She acknowledges that a white man could never give up his ‘privilege’ for her, nor would he be able to even if he wanted to.
STANZA 8
‘I’ll go
Wherever you go
Wherever you take me
I’ll go’ — Laura Mvula ‘Green Garden’
She is blindly in love, but not blind enough to ignore the fact that they are worlds apart. As in love as they are, she can never fully enter or be a part of his world. The imagery of the tent pitched outside a mansion is expressing the doting and waiting that inconveniences the woman for the sake of love. They journey together, but live apart. During the day, he might come out of his house and she from her tent, and they’ll go about their lives together, but where they lay at the end of the day symbolises that they can never fully share either the tent or the house together, only dip in and out and have moments of understanding, but race never completely ceases being an obstacle to their love in society, which hurts them both.
STANZA 9
Violent imagery, yes. She’s pretty much slitting her wrists here out of frustration and the pain that her relationship has caused her. Her blood falls to the ground, but the white man has been there, so it hits a tarmac parking lot. Her prayer is that it reaches the red soil that she is connected to. The connection of a people to their soil is a very profound one that is common in most cultures. Her red soil is buried and suffocating underneath the artificial ground that is a barrier that the white man has put there. It can also refer to the way her people see her after her relationship with white men. Maybe she’s made it. Maybe she’s a ‘traitor to the race’. Maybe she thinks she’s above her own kind. Deep, deep grief here. The character is homeless and lost.
STANZA 10
‘The history books forgot about us
And the Bible didn’t mention us
And the Bible didn’t mention us
Not even once’ — Regina Spektor ‘Samson’
A continuation from Western-centric accounts of history and religion, she feels that there’s no place for her as a woman of colour. She feels she may only either be a Rosa Parks or a jezebel, a Malala or Qandeel Baloch, Frida Kahlo or a chonga. There is no space for her to exist authentically in the world.
She still abides by the general regulations of Western religion, of peace and tolerance, even though she doesn’t necessarily feel included by their doctrine.
STANZA 11
This stanza expresses pure resentment, anger and rage. She is tired and angry and the underlying political, cultural and societal injustices mingle with her personal anger and hurtful experiences, to create The Angry Black Woman. She deliberately places herself in the stereotype, is through with explanations and accommodations, and resigns herself from having anything to do with white men. Not only is she forcefully changing her racial preference, she is also actively seeking to perpetuate violence against white men, after having riled herself up so much that she can’t see the white man as anything other than a brutally oppressive figure by nature. While no white man has ever been bad to her in past relationships, she blames them all for their sheer existence and the fact that they benefit from institutions that don’t renounce racism. ‘Master’ is clearly sarcastic and bitter and the fist can allude to the Black Lives Matter movement, but also to a fist ready to throw a punch.
Her being slapped twice shows her long history of pain due to her racial preference. In this she is mostly frustrated with herself for expecting a different outcome after letting herself be moved by what her heart wants.
INSPIRATION
(besides everything in my life leading up to me writing this, the stuff that I can pinpoint):
The Land, Americanah, The Hate U Give, interracial couples on YouTube (specifically BWWM), the genre of BWWM fiction in pop culture, colonialism in Europe, African American history and culture, race relations (especially in America), the issues of colourism, racism and discrimination, ‘the Islamisation of Europe’ and the refugee crisis, the Trevor Noah bit on French discussions on the repatriation of art, Fair and Lovely creams, skin lightening and straight weaves, sh*thole countries, Yoruba and New Orleans culture, Green Garden by Laura Mvula, The Book of Ruth, To Niall Woods and Xenya Ostrovskaia, married in Dublin on 9 September 2009, (names redacted), Dear White People, my mother, myself, and White Boys.
A hefty disclaimer is necessary. This is a product of a lot of slam poetry consumption by a fiery sixteen-year-old. Note that on a personal level, I (have) had zero encounters with (interracial) romantic relationships. The speaker in the poem is not me, but a character. It does not necessarily reflect my personal views. I shared it with friends who received it with zest, but even I knew that it was rather controversial to be left unexplained. So in a hybrid between the poetry discussion methods then being taught to me in English class, and a ‘Genius’ lyric explanation video, I footnoted the entire poem. That is simply how sixteen-year-old Fadilah rolled.
Unedited (except for names of inspirations) and for you, the reader, to enjoy. Have a laugh, because I sure do when I read it. Originally titled ‘The Devil/White Man’s Wh*re’. Seriously.
