In Pursuit of Salvation

Paths to fortune and safety in this life and the next.

Photo by Pavel Danilov on Unsplash

I thank and praise God
And send blessings and peace on His messenger

Because

If pain were equal to remorse
My whip would fall from my mind
And from my gaze in the mirror
And into my hands
My back would be raw
From the humiliation of self-flagellation

If I had to speak aloud my sins
I would talk for hours on end
Relive my disobedience
Until my voice was hoarse
Pleading with the man in the box
To grant the session a different outcome

If I had to pay my way into heaven
I would empty my purse
Spendthrift in donation boxes
Starving, sleeping in the streets
In the hopes of some compensatory comfort in the great beyond

If a holy river were the source of my blessings
I would break the water’s surface with my stinging skin
Hold my head and breath beneath the surface
Until the oxygen ran out
Each dizzying moment a guaranteed good fortune

I would inflict reckless cruelty
On me and mine
Gullible and desperate
For some protection or salvation

But

All that is asked of me
Is a sincere heart and a wet eye
The willingness to rise after a fall
The humbleness and dedication to ask
And ask again

With raised hands,
Conviction and sincerity
In moments of mindful submission

With that most natural combination
Of hope, fear, and love
With that most righteous adoration
Of the One with 99 names.

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Fadilah

Fadilah

A young woman attempting to seek and express reflections of knowledge and truth, trying to find meaning in everything under the sun.